


The Masks We Wear

by Eekaachu96



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Oops, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, im sorry, papyrus isnt as happy as it seems, possible suicide later on, probably triggering, sans finds out a secret about his brother and he's freaking out, this is angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eekaachu96/pseuds/Eekaachu96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Papyrus is not as happy as he acts. He has to act that way to stay strong for Sans, who already seems to be in his own pit of depression.  But with everything seemingly going wrong lately and no one to turn to, Pap can hardly stand the pressure of always having pretending to be happy all the time in order to keep everything aligned. He turns to something that is extremely dangerous. Hopefully he'll be able to stop before he turns to dust completely. Or who knows? Maybe he'll just left himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Touchable And The Untouchable

It was a quiet day in Snowdin. An unusually quiet day to be exact. Papyrus red boots crunched through the crisp new snow that had just fallen down the other night. He was headed back home from a long day of patrolling and all he wanted to do was sit back with some left over spaghetti and watch some MTTV. Earlier that day, he had gotten a telling to from Undyne for letting the human get away, and all he wanted to do was forget about it. She was especially disappointed in him today, but he didn't blame her. He wasn't as great as he made himself seem. He truly was a disappointment. No wonder he hadn't gotten into the Royal Guard yet. He wasn't strong enough to stop a single human for himself, let alone protect anyone from them? Sincerely pathetic.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he got to the front door. Surely, Sans would be inside. He needed to prepare his act. Papyrus sighed to himself has he slapped the typical goofy narcissistic smile on his face and changed his posture from discouraged and depressed to cocky. He mentally prepared himself and shut his eyes as he opened the large wooden door. He opened his eyes, but no one was in the kitchen, or living room for that matter. He let his act fade away as he walked up the stairs and knocked sternly on his brothers door preparing his facade again, but no answer. 

 

He sighed to himself 'AT LEAST THERE WILL BE NO PUNS' he thought.

 

Papyrus dragged himself into the kitchen, bones aching, and opened the door to the fridge. He picked up the container of the left over spaghetti and put it in a bowl to start heating it up in the microwave. That aside, he decided to see what was on TV. Walking into the living room, Pap turned it on. There was some kind of a cooking show on. Mettaton was on and wielding some kind of chainsaw? That was weird, but good enough. The microwave timer beeped and minutes later Papyrus was sitting on the couch, covered by a blanket, shoving spaghetti in his mouth trying desperately to forget what his day consisted of. How he had failed again. He felt something wet drop down his face and was surprised to see it was a tear.

He got up off the couch and headed into his room, if Sans was to walk in the door he couldn't let him see himself like this. He was getting himself worked up and that was something no one needed from him. He opened the door to his bed room, making sure to shut and lock it right after, and popped himself down raggedly on his red race car bed. He was almost sobbing to himself. He turned his head to face one of the many action figures sitting on the table next to his bed and started talking to it. Not having anyone else to talk to, he let the gurgled words come out, his voice quieter than usual. 

"WHY AM I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH?"

"WHY AM I A FAILURE?"

"I JUST LOST THE PERFECT CHANCE TO ACHIEVE MY DREAM, I COULDN'T EVEN CAPTURE A SINGLE HUMAN. WHAT WOULD MY BROTHER THINK OF ME NOW? I'M USELESS. TO HIM. TO UNDYNE. TO EVERYONE."

WORTHLESS.

He was getting hysterical now, and the knew what he needed to do. It was an accident how he started it, it really was. He was just walking along in the forest in one of his moods and slipped on some ice. He landed with his arm pressed between the metal of his armor and a thick dark grey rock and heard a sickening crack followed by a sharp blinding pain. He yelled at the agony he was in but then soon realized, he wasn't thinking about those depressing thoughts anymore. His mind was clear.  
He felt calm, could he even be... happy? Maybe this wasn't so bad after all? But this certainly wasn't normal too feel this way, right? Was is wrong that he was enjoying this pain?  
Papyrus soon realized the time and healed himself with his magic, but the knowledge of that accident followed him all the way home.

And he he was again, months later, doing again what he had learned took away the pain. It had almost become a ritual for him now, every few or so nights taking out the hammer that he would use to smash his bones into pieces, then finding the pieces and wielding them back together with his healing magic. Or taking a sturdy blade and carving wedges in his thighbones that would never truly be smooth again. But he craved it like Sans when he had a pun of the tip of his tongue.

Snapping out of his reminiscing, Papyrus stood up from his bed and walked over to his bookshelf. He grabbed the dark green book and opened it, taking out the slender pocket knife that was hidden in the hollow space inside, then going back over to his bed.  
He lifted up the cloth of his pant leg. He had to adapt to regular clothing when he had picked up the habit, not wanting anyone to catch on the his act by seeing the scars from the previous cracks and edges in his bones. 

He took the pocket knife and opened it, looking between the sharp blade and his thigh.  
Sighing, pap kneaded his eyes together in a relieved expression as he made his first cut on the upper part of his bone, watching the tiny part of it crumple up and turn to dust, sitting there letting it sting in delight. It was nice to not have that smile on his face all the time, constantly hiding . One came after another, and soon there were eight. Eight more ridges along what used to be his smooth white bones. He put the knife away back in the book and relaxed for the time being.  
It made him feel calmer. It was the only time he could be himself.  
He was quickly taken out of his haze when he heard the front door open. Sans was home. He would have to heal the ridges later, he didn't have time now.  
He pulled his pant leg back down and went over to the bookshelf to put this knife away. He prepared himself once again slapping is arrogant expression back onto his skull. Papyrus heard a knock on the door and sighed while making his way over to it hearing his brother's voice.

"Hey Papyrus, you in there?" The door handle jiggled  
Again. "Papyrus?"

Papyrus unlocked the door.


	2. It Goes Further

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING This chapter contains self harm. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos :) Please R&R or message me! i would love to hear suggestions!

CHAPTER II

"HELLO SANS!" Papyrus announced as he opened the door to see his brother's usually lazily smiling face.  
Knowing he was going to be question for why his door was locked, it was always hard to keep his face from faltering in these awkward situations when he just got done harming himself. He could hardly look his brother in the eyes. Papyrus often wondered how Sans would react if he found out about his routine. He internally gagged and willed himself to take his mind off of it.

"Hey Papyrus, why was you door locked? You alright?" There was an emotion in Sans eyes that Papyrus read as.. sympathy? He must have heard about the fight he lost with the human today and how Undyne had had about enough of his failures.  
But, there was no way he was going to let Sans know how down he was.

"OF COURSE, BROTHER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS ALRIGHT! WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?"  
It made him feel horrible lying to his brother. He was the only thing that he had and he loved him more than anything, but he had to hide himself from him. He really was an awful brother, wasn't he?  
Sans continued, " Well, bro. I heard about your fight with the human today." Sans walked past Papyrus let himself into the room, walking through it, then finally sat down on the edge of his brother bed.

"And I talked to Undyne...." 

Oh, so he did know.

"We had a talk and she told me she said some pretty harsh things to you... Called you a failure? Something like that." Sans scanned Papyrus' face for any emotion other than the usual, but found nothing as he just stared blankly back.  
"Anyway, she kinda feels bad about it, she said. She said it was a just in the moment kind of thing, i guess. She told me to tell you not to worry about it." Sans sighed.

"So, I was wondering if you were okay?" Sans looked at Papyrus, waiting for an answer. After a few moments his eyes uncomfortably shifted to the floor.

Papyrus felt sick to his imaginary stomach. Sans hadn't even made one pun, that meant he was being actually serious about this and he actually was worried. That was the last thing Papyrus needed. He was the one that worried about Sans and everything else! Not the other way around. 

"YES, UNDYNE MAY HAVE SAID SOME UNPLEASANT THING TODAY... " Papyrus took a breath and looked at his bookshelf, he could look at his brother right now. He couldn't look at Sans while lying right to him.  
He felt disgusting.

"BUT I'M OKAY, I'M STILL STRONG"

Failure

"I TRIED MY BEST AND THAT'S ALL ANYONE CAN DO"

Weak

"I STILL HAVE MY FRIENDS AND YOU SANS AND I CAN STILL GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD, I JUST NEED TO GET STRONGER AND TRY HARDER!"

Worthless.

Unwanted. 

Loser.

 

Sans took his eyes slowly off of the floor, his expression was something Papyrus could not read. The shorter skeleton closed his eyes for a moment then opened them back up with the same expression.  
"Well, I just wanted to make sure. I care about you, Pap. I'm always here if you need me, you know that right?" Sans smiled.

"YES, I KNOW SANS, BUT I'M FINE! THERE'S NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ME! I JUST NEED TO TRAIN MORE AND THEN UNDYNE WILL LET ME IN FOR SURE! I'M NOT GIVING UP!" At the end of his speech he flashed Sans one of his award winning grins to seal the deal.  
Papyrus didn't want to talk anymore. He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He didn't want to continue to lie to his brother's face, but it was the only way.

"Okay then." Sans sounded content with his answer. He lifted himself off of Pap's bed and went over to him, giving him a quick hug before going to exit his room.  
"See you later then Papyrus, love you." He left and walked down the stairs and plopped himself on the couch.

Papyrus heard the TV click on as he headed back into his own room while he shut and locked the door once again while leaning against it and sinking to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. He felt horrible. He lied to his brother once again, but it was for the greater good, wasn't it? He couldn't let his brother know how he really feels. Sans had depression issues for his own to take care of for himself, there was no why he could bother Sans with how he was feeling.  
He didn't want anybody to know how he was feeling. He was suppose to be happy, he was suppose to be strong! How would anyone react if they knew that The Great Papyrus was falling apart at the seems?

Papyrus felt wetness on his face, he touched with with his hand....  
Oh, he was crying again. He needed to calm down.

Luckily he knew just the way how.

Papyrus pulled up his pant leg and made sure to heal the old wounds first. He went to bring a hand to his leg and saw his dust on it and felt a little wave of panic and relief that Sans didn't notice. He had no idea how how would come up with an excuse as to why his door was locked and why he had his own dust on his hands. 

That thought aside, he stood up from his spot on the floor and went over to retrieve his knife once more, then thinking that might not be enough for how he's feeling.  
He went and opened his closet door to find the solid silver and red hammer that her had placed there months ago for his most truly desperate moments where he needed to comfort of pain.  
Hammer in hand, he walked for to his computer desk and sat down in the office chair. Moving the keyboard, he placed his left fore-arm on the solid wood of the desk, then grabbed the item of destruction and wound back.

'BAM!' 

With one impact his fore-arm was an exceedingly large fracture and Papyrus was hissing in enjoyment and pain.  
He thought about yelling the moment it impacted, but he wasn't sure how loud Sans had the TV up and he didn't want to take a change on Sans trying to come in and finding the door locked again. That would just raise more questions.

Uncomfortable questions.

The pain was just enough to take his mind off of the guilt and failure. He knew he would never get into the Royal Guard, and he had just lied to his brother, He deserved this. He deserved this pain, and he was going to take all he could get.  
After he acquired his fill, Papyrus healed the fracture in his bone. He was alarmed to see it had left a long scar on his arm.  
It would most likely heal over time, but this meant long sleeve shirts and jackets for a while. That may raise some questions.

Everyone already surprised when Papyrus had stopped wearing his armor, he didn't want to have everyone constantly questioning his change in preferences. It could get messy. It probably would lead to further lies.  
But Papyrus didn't want to think about that right now. 

He walked over to his closet, stripping off the T- shirt he was wearing, then threw on a heather grey hooded sweat-shirt. He walked over tiredly to he bed, but not before turning off the light, and curled up and thought about what he future held for him.  
Tomorrow was his day off and him and Sans had planned to do something together, but he didn't know if he felt like it anymore. He did't really feel like doing anything anymore, to be honest. He was running on auto pilot. 

He started to doze off, almost considering to get up and tell Sans goodnight, but then just shrugged it off. He had always told Sans goodnight, but right now he couldn't look at his brother. He didn't want to have to repeat everything all over again tonight.  
He could hear his brother downstairs, doing something in the kitchen. Hopefully, he wouldn't make a mess. Pap was mentally exhausted from everything.

Always doing things to make other people happy, but leaving his feelings inside. 

Papyrus drifted off to sleep, still living in the memory where the hammer was smashing his arm.


	3. I Know, You Know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this story. This is From Sans Point-of-View and I really how i did a good job getting it in character! Thankss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Sans POV after Papyrus goes to bed, hopefully I did okay! Sorry its short! Next chapter ill try to make longer! Thankss

CHAPTER III

Sans knew there was something wrong with his brother. 

Sans knew something had been off about him for a while now, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Ever since he had stopped wearing this armor he loved so much, and a little before that really, Papyrus had been acting different. Sans was growing concerned. He had always tired to keep an eye on Papyrus. Watch out for him and make sure nothing happened to him. However, it looked like something may have happened when he wasn't there and it was effecting his brother somehow.

Sans sat on the couch and watched the TV with no intent of actually watching it. Just something to keep him company when he had nothing to do and needed noise to lull him to sleep.

He looked into the kitchen at the take-out bag on the counter he brought back from Grillby's. He stopped there on the way back from his shift to grab a burger and some ketchup so he'd have something to eat tonight. Papyrus usually cooked dinner, but lately he wasn't feeling up to it. 

That struck Sans as very odd. Cooking had always been one of Pap's passions, he loved it. 

Even Grillby himself even notice the Change in his brother's behavior. Papyrus no longer came in looking for sans carrying him out of the restaurant in a comical style, instead, he saw his tall frame look in the window while walking by for him brother, then just continued to walk straight past. It was odd behavior for the overly friendly skeleton. Grillby had asked Sans if he noticed how out-of-place Papyrus seemed recently.  
He almost rolled his eyes. 

Sans heavily sighed as he stood up and made his way to the kitchen towards towards his food. He put his hand in the bag and took out his ketchup and gave it a chug then went to take out his burger. It was cold, he grabbed a plate and set his burger on it the popped it in the microwave. 

Why was Papyrus' door locked? 

He was obviously upset, but didn't want to admit it... Sans wouldn't want to press anything if he didn't want to talk about it.  
He would be okay.

Right?

The fact was Papyrus was so hard to read sometimes. It was hard to tell how he was feeling, and that's what startled Sans the most. How did his brother feel inside? Sans didn't know. Things always seemed to roll off of Papyrus like water off a Frogit's back, though, maybe things had gotten to him recently..?

The beep of the microwave sounded and Sans took his burger out, making his way back to the couch. He sunk into is cozy embrace and continued his thoughts. He had been thinking a lot about his brother in the past several months. Well, he always thought and worried about his brother, but this was more than usual.  
He needed to know if something was bothering his brother. Papyrus was the only thing that he had in his life. He needed to protect his brother.  
Still, maybe it was nothing. Maybe Papyrus was just growing up or going through a phase? It wouldn't be a surprise if it was nothing and he was just reading too deeply into it. However, he still wanted to know what had made his brother change so much recently. 

Undyne even mentioned it the last couple times that he Sans saw her.  
She talked about how he stopped wearing his armor, and how during their lessons, he seemed missing something. How she though something was off, but she couldn't quite place her finger on it, just like Sans.  
He took another absentminded bite out of his burger.

That stupid fin-head had said some pretty horrible things to his brother today. He could have showed her a thing or two, he wanted to, but didn't. For the sake for Papyrus. Why would anyone want to be outwardly mean to him? He tolerated her for his sake but she bossed and lead him around like her little toy. He wished he could teach her a lesson, but his brother was actually learning things from her. Plus, he was old enough to decide things for himself. He was an adult, even though it was hard to get used to.

Sans got the troubling idea that someone might be bullying him in someway, hopefully he wouldn't have to give someone a bad time.

But Papyrus was an adult, he could take care and defend himself. His brother didn't lack in self-confidence, he knew that for a fact. So that probably wasn't it.  
Whatever it was, he needed to find out. He was bothering him to the point where it was unhealthy. He had stayed awake more than a handful of night coming up with theories about what may have changed his brother. Most of the were irrational, but some of them were frightening.

Sans looked at the clock while he took the last bite of his burger. No wonder his eyes were starting to droop, it was getting late. Papyrus should be walking down the stairs any minute now to say goodnight to his brother.  
Sans waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

But Papyrus never came.

Sans waited so long he subliminally grew concerned and stood up from the couch and turning off the TV, making his way to Papyrus'room. His brother hadn't been out all night, it was alarming how much that was not like him.  
Sans got to Papyrus' room and attempted to open the door, to no avail.

His brother had locked it again when he left.

Now he really was worried. He was seeing himself in the things his brother was doing, that's what disturbed him the most.

Sans skillfully used his magic to open the door and looked gently upon Papyrus' sleeping frame. He frayed his eyebrows together, a small stressed grimace where his usually happy-go-lucky smile is. He seemed to just be sleeping, thank God.  
Sans sighed, he really was getting irrational. As if his brother was going to spontaneously turn to dust? He could have vomited at the thought, even if it was crazy.

Tomorrow him and Papyrus would suppose to hang out. That was the best time for a talk, and they would talk about this. There was no avoiding it. Sans needed to know, before it drove him insane.

And why was his door locked? He never used to lock him door.

Was he hiding something in there?

Maybe someone should look around. In an instant, Sans' eye was growing blue to see in the dark. He went to fully open his brother's door. Papyrus shifted around at the loud creek the door made and Sans turned off his glow immediately and shut the door, locking it once again.

He would have to figure out a way to get Papyrus out of there tomorrow so he could snoop around and find and clues to the strange behavior. This was something he couldn't let go on with out having an answer.  
Sans in-took a deep breath and rubbed his eye sockets with his hands while tiredly making his way to his room. He opened the door the his room, shut it behind him and walked over to his bed. Tucking himself comfortably under the covers, he thought about what him and Papyrus would do tomorrow. If Papyrus wanted to do anything.... It was so weird thinking that. Usually Sans was the one that didn't want to do anything. 

Something HAD happened. It had to have. What caused such a drastic change in someone so light-hearted?

Had he failed as a brother? He was suppose to make sure nothing happened at all.

Obviously he had. 

With that thought, Sans drifted off into a rocky, unsatisfying sleep.


	4. The Beginning of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the beginning of Papyrus' and Sans' day together, but what does it hold?  
> Thanks for reading :) Please R&R Thank you!

CHAPTER IV

Papyrus was blinded by the white light that reflected off of the snow and into his window as he opened his eyes. He stretched as he heard noises coming from downstairs. He looked over at the digital clock Undyne had bought him for his birthday a year earlier, a gift actually intended for his brother, to "never be late again". However, Sans just left it in the box until Pap eventually claimed it as his.

He pulled himself upright on the bed as he read the numbers 8:22.....

Sans was up this early?? Was it Sans?? His brother was never up this early. In about 40 minutes, he would be dragging his brother out of bed. Then again, he was usually up about 40 minutes ago cooking breakfast.  
Papyrus got up from his bed, wearing the sweat pants and hoodie he went to sleep in, and walked over to his closet. Papyrus took off his hoodie and put on a red shirt. He paused to examine the large crack that scarred his arm, internally sighing, then proceeded to throw on an old jacket that he's had for a while. He needed to make sure that that area would stay would stay covered. He couldn't risk a single moment of Sans seeing it and him like that. He knew Sans would blame himself and he could have that.  
Papyrus knew that Sans relied on him to brighten up the mood, he was the one that was the for Sans. 

Not the other way around.

Never the other way. 

He could never have Sans know how broken he was. The taller brother was just hanging by a thread now, if he some how hurt Sans, there's no telling what he would do. No doubt it would get out, the humiliation would be unbearable.  
That reminded him, he walked over to his computer desk that he had been used as a steady backing for his crave. The desk was covered in his dust, the hammer also covered in dust sitting on his desk with a slight indent in the hard wood. Oh no, he had left that their over night? He ran over to the door to make sure it was still locked, it was. Oh thank God. 

He walked over to his desk once again wiping off the dust with a clean wipe and putting the hammer away in his closet once again. He longingly set it in there, he knew he would be needing it after today.  
Hopefully, things wouldn't get too awkward with Sans today.... Weird, they used to be so close, but now Papyrus couldn't stand to be around him.  
The fact was Papyrus knew he didn't deserve him, he didn't deserve a brother like Sans who was always there for him, who loved him. Knowing how he had betrayed someone who loved him so must, added to the guilt, and just made it more awkward to be around him knowing all these things.

He had been been hiding for so long it was almost like Sans didn't know him at all anymore, and that made him feel awful.  
He threw away the wipe in his trash can and thought of what else he was missing.

Papyrus walked towards his nightstand and grabbed his phone, looking at his reflection in the black screen before turning it on. He once again prepared his facade before leaving his room.  
\----------

Making his way downstairs, Papyrus smelt the light scent of pancakes and syrup in the air. Seeing no one in the living room, he turned around the corner and into the kitchen, in there he saw Sans standing by the stove-top flipping a couple of breakfast treats. Two plates stacked high to the right of him. 

Sans was up early..... and was cooking pancakes?!?!

This was extremely out-of-character to say the least. He half expected Undyne to be in there cooking some kind of apology breakfast, but Sans?? Papyus held his breath at the thought that something might be wrong with his brother. Then, he almost vomited at the thought that he might know something about his coping tool. 

Sans turned around and found his brother behind him, staring at the piles of pancakes with a blank expression. He raised his eyebrows in a questioning position.

"Hey Papyrus, uhh.. you okay?"

Papyrus snapped out of his anxious gaze, now once again with it.  
"I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THE SAME THING!!" Papyrus walked forward to his brother's large stakes of pancakes, gesturing with his hands.

Papyrus continued ,"UP EARLY, AND MAKING BREAKFAST?!" Papyrus walked near his brother and poked him in the forehead. "HOW AM I SURE YOUR MY BROTHER? SANS DOESN'T DO THESE THINGS! IS THIS OPPISITE DAY, WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU DYING?!?!  
Sans laughed light-heartedly " What? I can't get up and cook breakfast for my favorite bro?"

Papyrus scanned him up and down skeptically. This was more than unusual behavior for Sans.  
"SURLEY YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS HARD TO BELIEVE, YOUR'RE NOT EXACTLY THE MOST.... ALERT PERSON I'VE EVER MET."  
Sans put on a large smile and shrugged, shoulders high.

"YOU'RE LAZY, SANS."

The shorter brother went back to his position cooking at the stove.  
"Doesn't mean I can't cook for you once in a while. I just want you to know I appreciate you." Sans turned his head and gave a smile that shattered Papyrus' heart. 

This was going to be a hard day.

Sans turned back around when Papyrus didn't reply, noting his expression.

"Anyway, why don't you sit down in the living room and see whats on MTTV? Find something to watch while we eat these, just let me clean this up first."  
The taller replied, quieter than usual, "YEAH, OKAY." And turned to make his way out of the kitchen, giving his brother one last once over.

He sat on the couch with a thick thud as he picked up the remote and dismissively scanned through the channels. Sans knew something. He had to have, the way he was acting was scaring Papyrus. At the very least he had to have suspect something. Had he been showing hints of his depression? No, impossible. He had been trying so hard to keep it hidden. Everyone should think he was fine! Although, Sans wasn't like everyone. Sans wasn't like anyone... Had he even failed at not worrying his brother? Think Papyrus, THINK.

Maybe he grew concerned when he didn't come out to say goodnight last night? Wasn't that it? Or maybe this was in addition to when he stopped wearing his armor? The fight with Undyne was also a possibility.  
Papyrus launched the remote down on the cushion next to him in frustration, as it bounced off and hit the floor with a bump, the batteries flying across the room.He threw his hands to his eye sockets and rubbed them stressfully.  
How could he have not seen his mistakes sooner? 

He wasn't feeling very hungry anymore, if he was at all.

Sans had obviously seen him freeze up in the kitchen when he was deep in thought. Pap internally kicked himself, but later he would, externally.  
"Everything ok in there, bro?" Papyrus heard Sans voice call from the kitchen.

He must have heard the thud, darn.

He gathered the remote from the floor, popped the batteries back in, just in time for Sans to some around the corner with two plates stacked with pancakes ansd syrup. Papyrus sat back down on the couch as if nothing had happened as Sans sat next to him and handed him his stack.

"I DROPPED THE REMOTE WHEN I WENT TO CHANGE A CHANNEL. ITS OKAY I FIXED IT. He held up the remote with his free hand.  
Sans shrugged it off, " Right, so anything good on?"

He had forgotten to check entirely.

"UM, NOT REALLY." Pap played it off.

"Oh okay, well I think I recorded some of the game shows you like. Just put on of those on." Sans started in on his pancakes, he must have been hungry from waiting until they were all done to eat, usually he just eats his fill off the pan when he does cook, which is rarer than a two-headed Whimsalot.

Pap proceeded to put one of the game shows on, he's lucky it was loud and flashy. It was distracting while him and brother sat there in silence. Usually he was the one to make conversation, but more than often lately, he didn't really have much to say.  
He looked down at his stack of food, feeling his figurative stomach turn. Not wanted to touch it. More that often, he just didn't feel like eating lately. Maybe it came with the depression, but he could probably do without eating so often anyway. He though back to the last time he ate which was.... about 10 am yesterday morning he had eaten a strawberry cereal bar on his way to work with a bottle of water.

"Aren't you going to eat your pancakes? They aren't that bad, trust me." Sans flashed a lazy smile, laced with something... concern?? No. Papyrus couldn't have anybody concerned about them. He couldn't have Sans giving him those looks, he wasn't sure how many more he could take before he broke. 

He took a solid breath and replied, trying to come up with something that sounded decent,  
"JUST EXAMINING YOUR COOKING, AS YOU KNOW, NO ONE IS QUITE AS TALENTED IN COOKING AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS. I JUST WANTED TO LOOK AT THE QUALITY BEFORE I STARTED TO ACTUALLY EAT IT. "

He sealed the deal by cutting off a piece of pancake and shoving it in his mouth.

Sans chuckled, "What? Think I'm trying to poison you? Haha, I know I'm not as good as you, but I have my ways!" He winked at Papyrus with a smile.  
The taller internally flinched. This was harder than he thought.

 

The rest of the conversation was strained. Papyrus had to force his pancakes down, just like the words that came out of his mouth. It didnt feel the same, nothing did. The usual heart felt conversation he had with his brother, held nothing but emptiness, and nothing bothered him more.

He wondered if Sans could feel it too.

The look in his eyes.

The way the corners of his mouth twitched before he said something, as if he was reconsidering words..?

There was no way he could stand to sit on this couch next to his brother for another second.

He needed to get out of here.

Papyrus stood up from his position on the couch, casually stretching his limbs.  
"I'M GOING TO GO GET A SHOWER, THANK YOU FOR BREAKFAST"

Papyrus went to walk away before his brother had time to respond, then realized he forgot about his plate and went to turn around to get it. He shouldn't have turned around because there was one of his brother's looks. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, he never could, but he knew it wasn't how his face was suppose to look.

Reaching down to grab the plate, he was stopped by Sans.

"I've got it Papyrus. Don't worry about it, go get your shower. You'll need one because I've got plans for us today to go out. I got mine earlier." Sans collected Papyrus' plate and stacked it on top of his, "I'll wash these before we go."  
More odd behavior for Sans, but that didn't matter right now. At least he had a chance to go. 

"ALRIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT."

A quick reply

"Right."

He made his way up the stairs and into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He wondered if Sans would find that odd if he tried to get in. There was a period in time where they would just come in and out of the bathroom while the other was showering or doing whatever because they were brothers and close, but now was a different story. 

Sans probably wasn't aware of that though.

Papyrus walked over to the mirror and looked. He had semi-dark circles under his eyes. He wondered if Sans noticed? Maybe, maybe not. There was nothing he could do about it now.  
He felt nauseous from pancakes. He glanced at the toilet and debated forcing himself to throw them up, but quickly decided against it. He was always one to throw up rather loud. He couldn't take chances like that. Plus, he had enough to deal with at the moment. He didn't need anyone thinking he had some kind of problem with eating.

He turned on the water to the hottest setting as he stripped off his clothes.

He stepped in the shower and let the warmth wash over him, it was delightful.

Papyrus closed his eyes.... until he felt a sharp pain on his legs and arm.

He quickly looked down to see what was stinging so badly, and found it was the many indents littering his body.  
He sighed. If he got used to the pain of smashing his appendages, he could get used this.

After a minute, it felt nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be from Sans POV and extended. I hope you all had a happy new years! And like this .. ha ha I just got tired of all the fics where Pap takes care of sans so this is one where its reciprocated. Plus, i hope i spelled things right because its now 4:52 in the morning and im soo tired. Thank you!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I'm a little rusty but i did my best. Sorry its kinda short. Please r&r to tell me how i did and if you want more chapters! Thank youu!


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